Really?

Off-topic general discussion, for everything else.
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Bama
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Re: Really?

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A guy forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The guy gets up early and leaves for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

The guy has been missing for days
Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

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Bama
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Re: Really?

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This guy comes home from work early one day and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The guy is so upset and just throws up his hands in disgust and says, My God George !!! I have to every once in a while ......................but YOU ????
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Bama
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Re: Really?

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Did I ever tell you about how my grandfather died?
He was 95 when he died
I remember asking my grandmother how it happened and she told me he had a heart attack while they were making love
I told her 2 people almost 100 years old having sex would surely cause problems
She told me no you don't understand
When we did it we only did it on Sundays and in time with the church bells
In on the ding
Out on the dong
Oh so slowly
She stopped talking to wipe away a few tears
She said to me
He would still be alive if that freaking ice cream truck didn't come along
Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

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Bama
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Re: Really?

Post by Bama »

You guys always complain about us girls but what you don't know is we keep a scorecard and the more points you score increases your chances of "scoring"
This here is a guide to the points system:

Simple Duties
You make the bed +1
... but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings +5
... in the snow +8
... but return with beer -5
... and no liners -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
... and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
... you pummel it with a six iron +10
... it's her cat -40

At a Party
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2
... named Judy. -4
... Judy is a dancer -10
... with breast implants -18

Her Birthday(this part is for you @TheRealPhil LOL)
You remember her birthday 0
You buy a card and flowers 0
You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +1
Okay, it is a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team -10

A Night Out With The Boys
Go with a pal 0
The pal is happily married +1
The pal is single -7
He drives a Porsche -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED) -15

A Night Out With Her
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called Death Cop 3 -3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable pot belly -15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -800

The Big Question
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding. -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass" -100
Any other response -20

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying a concerned expression 0
... you listen, for over 30 minutes +5
... you relate to her problem and share a similar experience +50
... your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?" -50
... you listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -200
Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

哈哈哈
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Bama
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Re: Really?

Post by Bama »

Sitting at the dinner table
A son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.

In her 20s her boobs are like melons, round & firm.

In her 30s t o 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions. "Onions?" asked the son
The Father says,"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This pisses off his wife and daughter, so the daughter said,"Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also.

In his 20s his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard

In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree". "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asked

The mother says "Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration"
Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

哈哈哈
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Calvin
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Location: UK

Re: Really?

Post by Calvin »

fake news is out in force..

Image

not a single thing about the press conference the white house held last night...
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Bama
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Re: Really?

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Calvin wrote: November 20th, 2020, 2:36 pm fake news is out in force..


not a single thing about the press conference the white house held last night...
The WH press conference was VP Pence saying everything is fine and going as planned
He didn’t take any questions

There was good old Rudy ranting about fraud for 15 minutes short of 2 hours.
His hair dye was running

Sadly Calvin all sides are reporting fake news
I have decided to tend to my little patch of earth and do the things I can and want to do to help other people




I deleted your pic so scrolling would be easier. I won’t do it in the future if you don’t want me to do it
Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

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Bama
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Re: Really?

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Bama
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Re: Really?

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The Toronto Raptors will begin the 2020-21 NBA season in Tampa after being unable to secure permission to play in Canada.

WE THE SOUTH?
Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

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Bama
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Re: Really?

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Bama
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Re: Really?

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Bama
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Re: Really?

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Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

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Bama
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Re: Really?

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It's not about what you're capable of, its about what you're willing to do.
Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

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Bama
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Re: Really?

Post by Bama »

No one can change what God has purposed for you today! That doesn’t mean that they will not try,however, rest assured they will not prevail. Though it may be through a struggle, battle,disappointment or even a setback. His purpose will happen to you and for you on schedule!
Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

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Bama
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Re: Really?

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Gabba Gabba Hey!!!

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