Really?

[Bama]

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'













He replied I found the remote......

[Bama]

Hymie is complaining to God that he never wins the lottery

God replies " Hymie, meet me half way. Buy a ticket "

[Bama]

In the U.S., Google searches for “why is my poop green” peak between 5 AM and 6 AM, while “how to roll a joint” peaks between 1 AM and 2 AM.

Searches for porn peak at 1:30 AM, and one hour later, searches for “lonely” peak at 2:30 AM.

1am: Smoke that joint
1:30am: Get horny and look for porn
2:30am: High, but feeling lonely and emo
3am: Get the munchies and eat what’s been in the fridge for 8 months
6am: Get the runs, and wonder why your poop is green.

[Calvin]

In the U.S., Google searches for “why is my poop green” peak between 5 AM and 6 AM, while “how to roll a joint” peaks between 1 AM and 2 AM.

Searches for porn peak at 1:30 AM, and one hour later, searches for “lonely” peak at 2:30 AM.

1am: Smoke that joint
1:30am: Get horny and look for porn
2:30am: High, but feeling lonely and emo
3am: Get the munchies and eat what’s been in the fridge for 8 months
6am: Get the runs, and wonder why your poop is green.

you're an occams razor girl

this actually illustrates the difference between occams razor and hiccums dictum very well..
if you think of it in terms of a disease, and a diagnosis, occams razor would looks for which disease gives all the symptoms.
hiccums dictum on the other hand says the symptoms dont necessarily have a single cause.

1am - new weed smokers are trying it before bed, or people getting back from the club?
1:30am - most people go to bed about 1-2 then im guessing lol
2:30am - cant sleep, hour of the wolf
6am - people are getting up after a night drinking red wine

>different cause for each thing.
>unrelated.
>common factor is not similar people, it's different people, on the same day/night cycle.

[Bama]

In the U.S., Google searches for “why is my poop green” peak between 5 AM and 6 AM, while “how to roll a joint” peaks between 1 AM and 2 AM.

Searches for porn peak at 1:30 AM, and one hour later, searches for “lonely” peak at 2:30 AM.

1am: Smoke that joint
1:30am: Get horny and look for porn
2:30am: High, but feeling lonely and emo
3am: Get the munchies and eat what’s been in the fridge for 8 months
6am: Get the runs, and wonder why your poop is green.

you're an occams razor girl

this actually illustrates the difference between occams razor and hiccums dictum very well..
if you think of it in terms of a disease, and a diagnosis, occams razor would looks for which disease gives all the symptoms.
hiccums dictum on the other hand says the symptoms dont necessarily have a single cause.

1am - new weed smokers are trying it before bed, or people getting back from the club?
1:30am - most people go to bed about 1-2 then im guessing lol
2:30am - cant sleep, hour of the wolf
6am - people are getting up after a night drinking red wine

>different cause for each thing.
>unrelated.
>common factor is not similar people, it's different people, on the same day/night cycle.

Dude it was a joke but thank you for the info you provided

[Calvin]

just think it's interesting.

they're both totally valid explinations, just different ways people see the world i guess... good to be aware of both

[Bama]

After the disaster presser at the 4 Seasons ( Landscaping Company )Rudy promised to get it right this time.

He is holding another presser this afternoon at the Ritz.........

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[Bama]

Lox him up?

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[Bama]

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[Bama]

A group of porcupines is called a prickle.

[Bama]

When you have been married for what feels like 100 years you get to the point where when it comes to presents you just tell the other person what you are getting yourself.

Anthony sent me a picture of what he is getting himself...........

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........ I texted back “ for your man cave right? “



It’s been 2 hours still no confirmation

[Calvin]

cos it's for the bathroom.

^im also trying to work out if that's a joke...

*mutters* peanuts are not nuts they're legumes that grow underground?... and you're not supposed to give them to squirrels cos the shell rots and the mould is toxic... and squirrel paws are hardcore, not soft at all.

*puts hazelnut out for squirrel*

i think it's a girl.

and americans call hazelnuts, filbert nuts? that's just weird.
do you call nutella filbert spread?

nutella was first invented in WW2? or 1... when the coco supply was low, so they added hazelnuts to fill it out as a cheap alternative.

also tomatoes are not vegetables... or fruits, as i commonly believed. they're actually nightshades. they contain a poison when they are green. same as potatoes, which are also nightshades.. which makes sense, if you look at the berries the plant makes and not the potato root/tuber.

[Bama]

Well he finally texted back.

I told him give me 1 good reason why you want or need this

This is what he said

Ok Renee


12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle of Magnesium Citrate like it's a lukewarm beer and you don't want to be a pansy in front of your older brother' and his friends.
It's suppose to be lemon flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything lemon in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You down a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted poop in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to God there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary,...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The poop/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your butthole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid poop fart as it gurgled out of your butt.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have pooped out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your butthole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times.

You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your butthole's broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a poop stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.
If I had this chair in my man cave nobody would know anything.


.......reason# 87328 to never marry

[Bama]

*mutters* peanuts are not nuts they're legumes that grow underground?... and you're not supposed to give them to squirrels cos the shell rots and the mould is toxic... and squirrel paws are hardcore, not soft at all.

*puts hazelnut out for squirrel*

i think it's a girl.

BAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Bama]

The Giant, Hotrod, and their daughters Robin Christensen-Roussimoff and Teal Piper.

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