UOG: Demise

6 December 2018


Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of herbed muskrat steaks and sparrow sauce. It has helped with my cheer. The unit is on the move to Houston to once again battle the Texan men. We must not allow ourselves to be distracted by their Clown. Steadfast.
— Andrew

10 December 2018


Dearest mother —
Word of our victory in Houston spread quickly and now a posse of Cowboys is on our heels. We must march double-time to home camp in order to prepare for a likely shootout. Victory has renewed our unit. Inform the hens my resolve has never been stronger.
— Andrew

12 December 2018


Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of pickled fox thumbs and fresh Squirrel Oil. The posse of Cowboys inches closer by the day. Scouts have yet to see them, but can smell their barbecue and hear their whooping. We continue to drill and prepare. Focused.
— Andrew

14 December 2018


Dearest mother —
The posse of Cowboys has reached the outskirts of town. Scouts tracked them by the trail of tobacco spit and discarded baked beans cans. Our unit has been drilling in boots with spurs to understand their maneuvers. I believe we’re prepared. Steadfast.
— Andrew

16 December 2018


Dearest mother —
My hand trembles with excitement as I write to tell you the unit was victorious over the posse of Cowboys. In fact, we walked away completely unscathed. Truly magnificent. There remains a chance our campaign lengthens, a marvelous thought. I love you.
— Andrew

17 December 2018


Dearest mother —
Before you read more of this, I shall need you to sit. Giants are coming. Scouts do not know their exact dimensions, but they have already departed. Please do not fret. We shall drill in pairs atop each other’s shoulders to better prepare. Resolute.
— Andrew

It took me til about page 3 to figure this out. Well played.

Also

Spiced raccoon cheeks

19 December 2018


Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of braised turkey knees and spiced pigeon toes. The unit continues to prepare for the Giants. Word may have reached you I was not among the Pro Bowl honorees. Yet, others in our unit were. That is just as special to me.
— Andrew

23 December 2018


Dearest mother —
You may breathe once more for we were victorious over the Giants. They attempted to squish us, but we were prepared for their massive limbs. I have never been more proud of these men. Winning was never a guarantee, but we all dug deep and battled as one.
— Andrew

Dearest mother — All of our hard work and dedication to one another as a unit has led us to this point. We march to the Ten Sea to battle Titans once more. Should we achieve victory, our campaign shall gloriously expand. Inform the cows my resolve is strong. I love you. — Andrew

24 December 2018


Dearest mother —
All of our hard work and dedication to one another as a unit has led us to this point. We march to the Ten Sea to battle Titans once more. Should we achieve victory, our campaign shall gloriously expand. Inform the cows my resolve is strong. I love you.
— Andrew

26 December 2018


Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of salted raccoon thighs and zesty gopher wrists. We continue our march to the Ten Sea. It’s been decided that we shall battle at night in the hopes of being the most tactically sound. The men are anxious, but confident.
— Andrew

30 December 2018

Dearest mother —
Tonight is our most important battle yet of this campaign. I know not the outcome, but our unit is as prepared as possible for a clash under the shimmering stars. The Ten Sea will be alive with excitement. The Titans will have their hands full.
— Andrew

30 December 2018


Dearest mother —
I shall not be returning home quite yet. Our unit was victorious in the hard fought, rain-soaked battle against the Titans. Jubilation. Our men gave it all their might. Save for one ricochet, my sidearm was true. We are awash with joy. I love you.
— Andrew

2 January 2019


Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of cured raccoon knuckles and the fresh bottle of Squirrel Oil. It has been decided the unit shall battle on Saturday, perhaps giving us the element of surprise. We have enlisted an ox to help strategize. Determined.
— Andrew